Welp, this is my first blog ever! I have no target audience, and in fact, I really have no idea about who will read this blog. I actually created this site several years ago, but I never wrote any blog entries because I felt some level of pressure to entertain - to be funny, interesting, and insightful. Well... I finally gave up on meeting those expectations and realized that writing on this blog could actually just be good for me. If you know me well, then you know that the past six months of my life have been the craziest roller coaster of emotions that I ever could have expected for 2012. In the past six months, I have reached the highest of emotional highs and the lowest of emotional lows. I'm really hoping to use this blog as a means for releasing some of my countless thoughts and also as a way to keep many of you up to speed on the rollercoaster.
So, here goes...
Six months ago. Six months ago my world changed. Six months ago was December 25, 2011. Christmas. When I woke up on Christmas morning, I had no idea what my family would face that day. As most of you who are actually taking the time to read this blog already know, my dad has Alzheimer's disease. Dad was diagnosed in late 2008, and the progression of his disease was very slow for the first couple of years. His disease started progressing at a more intense rate throughout the fall of 2011, but we had no idea how quickly things would change. On Christmas Eve, Dad was still driving a car. Granted, it was getting a little scary and we knew that soon we would have to fight the battle of taking his keys away permanently, but he was still driving. On Christmas Day, everything changed. It's so hard to explain, although I've tried to explain it so many times since that day. It was literally like a switch went off, or that Dad fell of a cliff of some sort. For brevity's sake and my own personal desire to not rehash everything from that day, I'll cut to the chase and just explain that Dad's illness had begun to completely overtake the frontal lobe of his brain. When we left for the hospital on Christmas morning, I knew in my heart that things were about to change for my family.
Dad doesn't live at home anymore. He hasn't since Christmas. As difficult as it was (and still is) to admit, we could no longer take care of him at home. I can honestly say that January and February were the most emotionally trying months I have ever experienced. Dad was in and out of multiple hospitals and it took more than one try to find the right "fit" in an Alzheimer's facility for him. Praise God, we finally found the right fit. :)
I miss my dad so much. I don't say that because I don't get to see him. I actually see my dad more now than I did before he got so sick, but I miss him. Every once in awhile we get a small glimpse of him, and I know that he's deep down in there somewhere, but I just miss my dad. I see my dad several times per week, but still, I miss him so much.
Every Alzheimer's patient has a different experience. No one can explain why Dad's progression was slow for so long and then went rampant, overtaking his brain. I have asked God so many times why things have to be this way. I still don't know why they have to be the exact way that they are, and I don't expect that I'll ever know. I do know how much I have learned about my the strength of my own heart, the strength of my family, and the kindness of others. I think the closest I'll ever get to an answer about why things have to be the way that they are for us right now lies within those lessons - about strength and faith and kindness.
Boy, have we met some angels in these past six months! I have always believed in angels, but I had never had a truly memorable experience with one before. Well, I have now encountered several. I have had the privledge of meeing some of the nicest, most caring, most patient people on God's green earth. I'll save my stories about them for later, and while I wish I could have taken an easier path to get me to these angels, I thank God that I have met them.
So, there's the low point on the rollercoaster.
Now let's get to the HIGH!
The high point of the rollercoaster is that in March, Bill asked me to marry him! Of course, I said yes, and we are getting married on October 27, 2012. Dealing with Dad's illness has definitely strengthened our relationship, and I can honestly say that I do not know how I would have gotten through the beginning of this year without Bill by my side every step of the way. The Lord gives and takes away - it's true! Focusing on marrying Bill has been such a tremendous source of joy in my life. Our upcoming wedding has strengthened my belief in God's timing. God prepared us for marriage and has led us to that next step at the very time that my family needed a new source of joy. And I even know that we have Dad's blessing because there were many times when Bill and I were dating that Dad would get confused, think we were engaged, and ask, "So, when's the wedding again?" While it was always a little awkward at the time, especially when he said before Bill and I had talked about getting married, it means the world to me know because I know that we had Dad's blessing. He was so excited for our wedding... even before we were actually engaged!
I have much more to say about our wedding, but I will save that for future posts. Like I said, I have been searching for the "perfect time" to actually start writing on this blog that I set up so long ago, and I finally realized that it wasn't that big of a deal. It feels good to just write about what's going. Again, I hope to use this blog as a theraputic release for myself, and also as a way to keep my friends informed about what's going on in my world! It has been a crazy six months full of ups and downs, and although there have been so many times that I've wanted to jump off this rollercoaster, I know that I can handle the ride because I've got so many wonderful people who are also on-board with me.
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